Mandy On Being Mandy
Sometimes my students would look at me and wonder if I'm really their teacher
--Mandy Calvert
Mandy is probably the one of the few people in the United States I can see "eye-to-eye." She is about 5 feet 4 inches, slim, and rosy around the cheeks. Her oval shaped head would be cascaded by a stream of blond hair with one side abnormally wavy, while the other was fine and straight. This probably due to the many transitional phases--long, short, straight, curly, feathered. And when she smiled, you could always see her perfect set of teeth under her pink lips--though stained with a light shade of yellow . The dense lashes above her eyes would crinkle amusement so plain that it was impossible to miss her radiance. Her eyes were painted with the color of the Caribbean sea, and would emit a sparkle of clarity every time the sun shone on her face. Small feet. Straight posture. She is 29 years old, but she does not look her skin still blooms of youth--absent of the wrinkles of aging and a compliment to her vibrant personality. When she talks, her voice sometimes runs a pitch higher, sounding like a child, pre-puberty, which adds to my perplexity that she is approaching her thirties. But, the dark ring below her eyes tells a tale of maturity as well. Her hands were soft and delicate, a credit to her kind and nurturing character. The clean, polished ring on her fourth finger, still untarnished, marks a fresh marriage and a life journey that has only begun.
I don't really have any suggestions here. You hone in on what you think we need to see in a physical description. You've got a sort-of "Sherlock Holmes" moment going on with the final sentence, relating an untarnished ring to a fresh marriage. Not to mention the amusing "eye-to-eye" statement, which really helps mark this description as a strictly personal observation. Can't wait to see the rest.
ReplyDeleteOff to a good start here, Josh. I like the specific description of the hair and the way you mix Mandy's youth with her maturity--young voice, darkness under her eyes. That will allow you to look at both sides of her character.
ReplyDeleteIn some places, this seems reverent. Caribbean Sea line is almost the stuff of a love letter! I think some of that feeling comes from the sentence structure, which is subject-verb, subject-verb repeating. If you tell a story about Mandy, you'll naturally break out of that sentence structure and I think the piece will feel more natural.
That said, you've done a really nice job and the sound and description in your writing so far contributes to my feeling that there's an intriguing person being profiled by another intriguing person!
These are some really good description of this person. You use some very good words like "cascaded" and "perplexity". I love words like that, they bring more life into your story. This is a really good start if it is what you are planning to write about!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy this. I think it's pretty clear how much you enjoy being around this person in your life, and I think you have some really wondeful lines in there, borh in beauty and in little witty one-liners. It was nice to read. Thank you for sharing it.
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